Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
