I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
