I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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