You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
