If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
