I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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