No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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