Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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