My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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