I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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