My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
