just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
