in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
