she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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