and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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