you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
