just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
These tits shall not be calmed
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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