I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
