Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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