He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
