I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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