As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
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There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
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He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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