you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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