this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
