I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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