i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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