There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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