It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
