My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
