Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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