Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
