You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
