we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
