I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize