Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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