"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
