You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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