I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
