Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
