I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
