Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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