Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
