Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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