I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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