you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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