The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
