I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
