I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize