the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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