I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
