then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
