I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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