I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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