that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
