he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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