Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
