You can't special order awesome
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It's never too late to be topless.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
