Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
