what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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