Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
