hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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