is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
