Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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