guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
