Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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