just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
