i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
