Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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