last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
