Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
