I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
