she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
