I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
