Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
