even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
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