census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
