We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
